Days 5 & 6.....

Day 5

This morning I left my house praying again for a man that continues to serve me. I was pretty much convinced that if this issue between Carlos and I continued, than he would stop doing the nice things within a few days. No way, without encouragement, could someone continue this!

I told the Lord that I needed a WORD! I said I wanted to hear from Him through someone who is Godly, knows His word and can be objective about my situation. I told the Lord to consider me a spiritual and relationship retard because I can't sort between His will and my emotions. I reminded Him of how I had prayed before that the man for me would be in my face pursuing me and wooing me, so I wouldn't have to guess. I told him it would have to be like lightening hitting me. I went so far as to admitting to the Lord that at this point I needed Him to "come in the flesh and sit across from me, look me in the eyes and tell me what His will is." I than said that I second guess everything and that "even if you did do that Lord, my next step would be ask if it was really Satan disguised as you." What a mess! I told the Lord that I had decided that not only did I want my WORD this very day, but I wanted 3 signs! After all, you ARE God right?!

I came to work and chose another online teaching to listen to called "Examining our Motives." Pastor Steve started out by saying how often times we make decisions in our understanding and that we do things that we think will be better, but they end up hurting ourselves or someone else. He told the story of Abraham and Sarai and how Abraham thought it would be best to lie and say that she was his sister. Sounded like a good idea, but Sarai ended up in another man's harem anyways! The pastor went on to say that we think when we mess up that God is going to unleash His wrath to teach us a lesson. He went on to read that God came to Abraham's rescue as He often does with us! This made me think of Carlos. He thought similar to Abraham and thought he was protecting me by shielding me from a hurtful truth.

I had an email from my Mom telling me that I needed to forgive Carlos and that she knows he is a solid, stable comfort for me. She confronted the fear in my life that has gripped me and my worry about what someone may do to hurt me. I later tell my co-worker, Jody about the online message, my Mom's email and how I received both and she told me that "Carlos is your guy Manesseh!" Can we say that I may have gotten my 3 signs including my Word? I went home that night to my cat boxes cleaned again and my mail brought in.

Day 6

This day was pretty quiet and I was really at peace and feeling like God had things under His control. I still wasn't willing to buy into Carlos just yet, I needed even more convincing. I was in a hurry after work and ran home to meet my friend Pauline to go out. My yard was mowed, edged, all the leaves were picked up, cat boxes were clean and the mail was brought in. I told Pauline that Carlos must have been here and she said that she thought my yard looked really good. She had advised me earlier in the week that what had happened between Carlos and I was a moment where he fell short but it wasn't a deal breaker.